Self-Care


Last Friday I shared some information about mindfulness, and on Monday I offered some ideas about practicing mindfulness. I recommended meditation, and pointed to Headspace and Calm as two online resources that offer a free trial. My terrific niece, Kelsy, sent me another recommendation to share with you, Smiling Mind. She says that it’s "a free mindfulness/meditation app developed by psychologists and educators. It has adult programs but also programs for children that are broken out by ages. It’s comparable to Headspace just without the huge subscription fee.” Dr. Kelsy Newton is a pediatric psychologist who works in a hospital setting with children who have chronic health conditions. She is a specialist in anxiety disorders. (Thank you, Kels, for the vital work you do every day and for sending this information to me to share.) You can find Smiling Mind here: Smiling Mind

To quickly recap, mindfulness allows us to stay in the moment with our thoughts, emotions, and feelings; to observe, acknowledge, and accept them; and to choose what we need next rather than just be reactive. So in the example I gave on Friday, by using mindfulness I was able to self-soothe with rest and a good book rather than spin out when I started to feel anxiety welling up inside.  For me, in that fraught moment, choosing to self-soothe was good self-care. It was what I needed for my mental health.

You’ve probably heard of self-care; it’s become a popular topic, and there are plenty of books and blogs about it. It’s not a complicated idea, though. Self-care is simply anything we deliberately do to care for ourselves mentally, emotionally, or physically. There’s self-care in the moment, which is what mindfulness can enable us to choose, and there’s self-care as an ongoing practice. My yoga class is a daily self-care practice for me. 

Mindfulness and self-care are mutually reinforcing: the more we engage in regular self-care, the easier it will be for us to be more mindful; and the more mindful we are, the easier it will be to know what we need, so the more likely we are to engage in self-care rather than allow our thoughts or emotions to be hijacked. Sometimes they are intertwined. The deep breathing of yoga, for example, is both a mindfulness practice and a classic form of self-care. It’s something we do on purpose to help ourself feel better.

You may already be engaging in regular self-care of all kinds. Perhaps you work in your garden, ride your bike, visit with friends, nap, take walks, listen to music, knit, journal, or read. Some self-care is personal: what is self-care for you might not be self-care for me. Other behaviors, such as getting proper rest, exercising, and eating a healthy diet, are generally good self-care. But for each of us, there are many things that qualify as self-care. Having a wide variety of options makes it easier for us to practice good self-care.

Self-care is always important; during ordinary times, it helps us stay on an even keel. But it’s critical in times of stress, like we are all experiencing now. Without good self-care, we are especially vulnerable to low mood, anxiety, and/or physical stressors. Whatever else we are struggling with right now, we can help ourself and be better able to help others if we remember to practice self-care. You know how flight attendants always tell us to put on our own breathing mask first? That’s an easy way to think about self-care these days. 

Sometimes we might think that it’s selfish to want self-care. For some of us, taking time for a relaxing bath, or a run, or quiet time alone feels like an imposition on our partner or family. Or saying no to an invitation or request may feel selfish or unkind.  But there’s a big difference between being selfish —say, refusing to share the pretzels — and being what I call “Self-ish,” or taking good care of your own self.  We know what our body and spirit need. At this trying time, it’s more important than ever that we all care for ourselves with gentleness, kindness, and patience. Is that a stretch for you? If so, give yourself a tender hug and take a look at Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion: Self-Compassion   It can help you over the barrier if you have the sense that self-care is a luxury rather than a necessity.

Daily self-care can help us find joy even in dark times. Here’s a video that is likely to give you a boost right now. It’s Paul Simon and Ladysmith Black Mambazo singing at the concert in honor of Simon’s Gershwin Prize for Popular Song: "Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes"   Maybe it can be one of your first first self-care activities this morning?

Until tomorrow, take good care. Intentionally. And be well.

Love from Nancie/Mom/Mimi/Grandma

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Counting the Chicken Money

Image
I worked as a bank teller while I was in college. After I graduated in 1974, I went to work at a branch in a busy commercial district. This was back in the days of night deposits. One of the businesses that brought its cash to the bank dropbox each night was a fast food chicken restaurant. Each morning the tellers would count night deposits in a ritual that I can see -- and smell -- to this day. Nobody wanted to count the chicken money. We'd gather around a conference table while our manager wheeled in a big cart of night deposit bags and dumped them out before us. The heavy canvas bags were nearly identical: each fairly grimy pouch had the name of the bank stenciled across the side and a strong zipper across the top. But even though they looked alike, the chicken money bag always stood out from the rest. You could smell that bag no matter where you were sitting. And that was before it was opened. The actual money reeked. Counting the night deposits was like a game of musical c
Read more

Motivation

Yesterday I talked about trying to hold more realistic expectations for ourselves and others. I know that that's a challenge for a lot of us right now. It's a struggle for me, and I hear from many of you that you're wrestling with it, too. One of the things I hear is that some are feeling a lack of motivation. I've been told that it's hard to get even paid work done, much less personal tasks that we need or want to do. I'm also hearing concerns about getting students to do their online schoolwork. "How do I motivate my children," some of you ask, "when I'm having a hard time motivating myself?"  When you say, "I'm having a hard time being motivated right now," what I hear with my therapy ears is, "I may be struggling with stress and mood." And who would be surprised by that? The ongoing stress affects us all, and likely even more than we know. We're probably all grieving on some level, whether we perceive i
Read more

Choosing Joy

It seems a lifetime since my last post. In that time, my photographer son was arrested while on assignment to cover the protests, and I broke my left heel in several places in a freak accident with my little grandchild. More about those later. The point is that life as we know it can turn in a heartbeat, and in ways completely outside our control. We always have a choice, though, about how we respond. If anyone knows about unjust imprisonment, physical pain, or mental and emotional anguish, they would be His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet and the Most Reverend Desmond Tutu, Archbishop Emeritus of Cape Town, South Africa. The same could be said for the late Honorable John Lewis, Member of Congress representing the Fifth District of Georgia. Between them, these three icons of grace under extreme circumstances have experienced deep personal and community pain. Archbishop Tutu grew up poor in a segregated society. Childhood polio left him with an atrophied hand, a younger
Read more

Land Acknowledgments

Image
My husband and I own a home that stands on sacred and stolen land, land once home to indigenous wildlife and to indigenous peoples. The deer and coyotes we sometimes see in our neighborhood are descended from creatures who roamed here freely before the developers descended.  On our street, October 2020 I have not yet been able to determine exactly which First Peoples lived on the land where my home sits, but the Atfilati band of the Kalapuya (Tualatins) seasonally migrated to a nearby area to fish, hunt, and forage, and the Clowella Chinooks also made their home near mine. The Portland Metro area rests on traditional village sites of the Multnomah, Wasco, Cowlitz, Kathlamet, Tumwater, and Watlala Bands of Chinook, the Tualatin Kalapuya, the Molalla, and other tribes who made their homes along the Columbia River.  Beginning with the first "settlers" in our area, the Native peoples here were nearly wiped out by disease. Territorial and, after 1859, federal policies such as boar
Read more

Weekend Edition: Holding Space for Humor

Image
These are dark and heavy times, to be sure, and there is much cause for weeping. I had a moment myself yesterday, after spending distanced time with a beloved small grandchild I cannot hug or hold. We all have griefs to bear. All the more reason, though, to keep space for humor in our lives and to look for it every day. Not to deny the pain or minimize its reality, but to strive for some balance. Here are some photographs of humor we've spotted on our recent walks in our neighborhood and elsewhere around Portland: Misspelling aside, I'd love to have this one in my yard. And for those who've forgotten Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks sketch, here it is again, complete with corny laugh track: Silly Walks This one is a repeat for this blog, but in case you missed it the first time: You probably know all about the plastic ponies hooked to the horse rings around old Portland neighborhoods. But have you seen this one? Here's one from my friend Ted, a
Read more