A Place for Anticipation

Do you remember what it felt like to put a tooth under your pillow, or lay out your clothes for the first day of school, or go to bed the night before your birthday when you were a child? How did you feel on the morning of a school field trip? Or while you waited at the airport for a friend or family member to arrive for a visit? Anticipation can be a delicious feeling. My late mother-in-law used to tell me that she preferred to know about an upcoming visit from one of her children rather than be surprised by it, so that she could experience both the pleasure of looking forward to a visit and the joy of it when it occurred. For her, anticipation was truly half the fun.

I have already written about the many benefits of staying in the moment, and my views on that haven’t changed. Mindfulness is a powerful way to reduce stress and improve our mental health; we all can use more serenity nowadays. But these are not ordinary times. While mindfulness is still one of my top recommendations for emotional well-being, given our current circumstances, I also see a place for anticipation. I want to be careful how I use that word, though. By “anticipation,” I mean eagerness or excitement, not rumination or dread.

A bit of genuine, positive anticipation can be a good thing at this stressful time. Just as mindfulness can help us step back from both anxiety and depressed mood, having something to look forward to can give us the positive outlook that can also help us to stay centered. It doesn’t need to be anything big. I must say that I look forward to dinner each day in a way that I did not before we were sheltering in place. Without errands and obligations to take my time in the afternoon, I can expect to have time to cook a real meal every evening. So I anticipate that now, and look forward to it with pleasure; that helps me keep my mood on an even keel. And the bit of planning I do because of my anticipation takes my mind to a better place than it might otherwise go. Something as simple as deciding what to make for dinner can help me avoid anxious thoughts and give me a sense of direction for part of my day.

Like my mother-in-law, I look forward to connection with my children and grandchildren. So you bet I’m upbeat when we have a FaceTime visit on the day’s schedule. I look forward to yoga each morning because it makes me feel so good physically, mentally, and emotionally. I look forward to reading a book for pleasure after I write this message. I’m eager to visit my garden to see if that peony is open.

The point of anticipation in these days isn’t to avoid the present, but to have a positive alternative when the mind wanders, as it always will. So for now, I am in the moment of thinking and writing. But in the back of my mind is the happy thought of returning to a novel that I am enjoying. That thought helps motivate me to complete this task and brings me pleasure, too. I think of it as background support.

Remember the GLAD exercise? It’s a look back each evening at one thing for which you’re grateful, one thing you’ve learned, one thing you’ve accomplished, and one thing that’s brought you delight in the day. Thinking about anticipation gives me the idea of a morning practice, too. What if we start each day by recognizing two things: something positive we are currently experiencing (our breath, for example, or the sound of birdsong), and something positive that we are looking forward to for that day? Because the brain wires the way it fires, the more positive our thoughts, the more we will start to default to positivity. And whenever we have a positive experience, the next thing that happens to us is likely to feel more positive, too.

 
                          (Photo credit: Pat Crane)


I’ll be sharing some thoughts and ideas about boredom later this week. But for now, if you have been wrestling with boredom, perhaps a daily anticipation exercise will help.

Until tomorrow, take care, be safe, and be healthy in body and spirit.

Love,
Nancie/Mom/Mimi/Grandma

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