A Place for Anticipation
Do you remember what it
felt like to put a tooth under your pillow, or lay out your clothes for the
first day of school, or go to bed the night before your birthday when you were
a child? How did you feel on the morning of a school field trip? Or while you
waited at the airport for a friend or family member to arrive for a visit?
Anticipation can be a delicious feeling. My late mother-in-law used to tell me
that she preferred to know about an upcoming visit from one of her children rather
than be surprised by it, so that she could experience both the pleasure of
looking forward to a visit and the joy of it when it occurred. For her,
anticipation was truly half the fun.
I have already written about the
many benefits of staying in the moment, and my views on that haven’t changed.
Mindfulness is a powerful way to reduce stress and improve our mental health;
we all can use more serenity nowadays. But these are not ordinary times. While
mindfulness is still one of my top recommendations for emotional well-being,
given our current circumstances, I also see a place for anticipation. I want to
be careful how I use that word, though. By “anticipation,” I mean eagerness or
excitement, not rumination or dread.
A bit of genuine, positive anticipation
can be a good thing at this stressful time. Just as mindfulness can help us
step back from both anxiety and depressed mood, having something to look
forward to can give us the positive outlook that can also help us to stay
centered. It doesn’t need to be anything big. I must say that I look forward to
dinner each day in a way that I did not before we were sheltering in place.
Without errands and obligations to take my time in the afternoon, I can expect
to have time to cook a real meal every evening. So I anticipate that now, and
look forward to it with pleasure; that helps me keep my mood on an even keel. And
the bit of planning I do because of my anticipation takes my mind to a better
place than it might otherwise go. Something as simple as deciding what to make
for dinner can help me avoid anxious thoughts and give me a sense of direction
for part of my day.
Like my mother-in-law, I look
forward to connection with my children and grandchildren. So you bet I’m upbeat
when we have a FaceTime visit on the day’s schedule. I look forward to yoga
each morning because it makes me feel so good physically, mentally, and
emotionally. I look forward to reading a book for pleasure after I write this
message. I’m eager to visit my garden to see if that peony is open.
The point of anticipation in these
days isn’t to avoid the present, but to have a positive alternative when the
mind wanders, as it always will. So for now, I am in the moment of thinking and
writing. But in the back of my mind is the happy thought of returning to a
novel that I am enjoying. That thought helps motivate me to complete this task
and brings me pleasure, too. I think of it as background support.
Remember the GLAD exercise? It’s a
look back each evening at one thing for which you’re grateful, one thing you’ve
learned, one thing you’ve accomplished, and one thing that’s brought you
delight in the day. Thinking about anticipation gives me the idea of a morning
practice, too. What if we start each day by recognizing two things: something
positive we are currently experiencing (our breath, for example, or the sound
of birdsong), and something positive that we are looking forward to for that
day? Because the brain wires the way it fires, the more positive our thoughts,
the more we will start to default to positivity. And whenever we have a
positive experience, the next thing that happens to us is likely to feel more
positive, too.
(Photo credit: Pat Crane)
I’ll be sharing some thoughts and
ideas about boredom later this week. But for now, if you have been wrestling
with boredom, perhaps a daily anticipation exercise will help.
Until tomorrow, take care, be safe,
and be healthy in body and spirit.
Love,
Nancie/Mom/Mimi/Grandma
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