When We Are Tired of Waiting

Among the many truths about this time, we have learned that it is a time of waiting. We all want things right now that we simply cannot have. Whether it's being with our loved ones and friends -- up close, hugging again -- without the barriers of distance and masks, getting a haircut, going to the playground with our children or grandchildren, or having a birthday party in our home, we are all having to wait. And we are getting weary.

This frustration is starting to play out in unhelpful ways. We see people putting themselves and others at risk; perhaps we are doing that ourselves. We may find that we complain more, grow exasperated more easily, or feel less inclined to support family and friends who want our help. Maybe we are leaning into negative thoughts and behaviors. Perhaps we are starting to lose hope.


It makes sense that we would be struggling now. We are all under great stress. As I've said so many times already, this is a time for extra grace for ourselves and others. But the passage of time can take a toll. We may be ready for a tolerance tune-up.

Here are some things we can do to increase our capacity to endure this time of waiting:
  • Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Recognizing and appreciating what we have, what we have gained, and where we do still have choice and agency can help us keep our unfulfilled wants in perspective. (If you want more information about gratitude practice, check the posts for March 24 and April 25.)
  • Work toward radical acceptance. We cannot prevent the pain of this experience, but we don't need to let pain become suffering by refusing to accept the reality of it. Radical acceptance is not approval; it does not mean that we endorse the pain. It is simply acknowledgment of its existence. We need radical acceptance when we cannot either change a situation or change our perception of it. It can take time and repeated efforts to persuade yourself that this is our reality now. But keep repeating that message until it becomes real for you. (This topic was also briefly discussed on May 20.)
  •  Be mindful. Staying in the moment can be a powerful tool for identifying the things for which we are grateful, keeping our body calm, and preventing our pain from becoming suffering. Practicing mindfulness moves us from judgment to observation, which supports radical acceptance. (See the April 3, 6, and 14 posts for detailed information about mindfulness, as well as mindfulness resources.)
  •  Opt for realism over reasonableness. This is also a corollary to radical acceptance. No matter how reasonable your wants and expectations may be, you're likely to be disappointed if they're not realistic. (See the May 11 post for more details.)
  • Practice good self-care. Regardless of our intentions, it's hard to give anyone grace when we are tired or hungry, when we haven't had enough fresh air or exercise, or when we are restless, or sick, or run-down. We need to take care of the basics all the time, and we all need extra self-care now. (For more on this topic, see the March 31, April 8, and May 9 posts.)
These strategies are not in any particular order, and each of them reinforces the others. Basic self-care is always the vital foundation, but when it comes to bearing up as we wait, gratitude may be the most practical and effective tool at our disposal. Take good care of yourself. But if you only have bandwidth for one other effort, make it a gratitude practice. 

 Until tomorrow, I wish you peace and good health. We will get through this together. And with less distress if we can wait with gratitude and patience.

 Love,
Nancie/Mom/Mimi/Grandma

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