Shifting from Reasonable to Realistic
How was your weekend? Here in Portland we had our first taste of summer. And, of course, there was Mother's Day. Wherever you are, I hope that you had a peaceful and refreshing time. Perhaps having a holiday to observe gave you a bit of a break from the stresses of the world.
Now we're back to another uncertain week. And as some states begin to open up, even more questions arise. We don't have clear answers about how and when to change any of our behaviors. We may see others engaging in ways that don't feel safe to us, and we may be invited to do the same. It can be another layer of stress, especially if we add in disagreements with others about their behavior, which can have an impact upon us but which we cannot control.
It's a time for thinking about what's reasonable versus what's realistic.
I suspect that most of us default to reasonableness, especially when looking at other people's behavior. Don't we generally want people to do the reasonable thing? How many times have we asked someone else to just be reasonable? It seems like human nature in our culture. And it seems like a very fair standard.
But the fact is that if we're expecting reasonable behavior as the norm, we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment or frustration. Because while we all hate to hear it, it turns out that we can't control other people. So instead of expecting what's reasonable and being upset when it's not forthcoming, we can change our perspective: we can look for what's realistic.
It may be entirely reasonable for me to expect that everyone will wear a mask and follow all the distancing guidelines. But it's not realistic. For my own safety and sanity, then, I need to let go of judging those who don't and focus on what I can do to protect myself and others.
The same holds true for our expectations of our families, our friends, and ourselves at this challenging time. It may be completely reasonable for us to expect family and friends to behave in familiar ways, or to show up for us emotionally as they have always done. We may reasonably expect that we can do any number of things as thoroughly, competently, or efficiently as in pre-COVID days. But those expectations just might not be realistic anymore. We are all under stress in completely new ways, and that can make a difference in our ability to perform at our usual level. Now is a time to give grace to our loved ones and ourselves as well as to others.
Could this concept be helpful for you? Are you holding onto any expectations of yourself or others that -- no matter how reasonable -- just aren't realistic? If so, how might it ease your stress to let go of them? Would a new perspective bring you greater peace? If so, perhaps that will be something you try on today.
Until tomorrow, take care, stay safe, and be well. And be gentle with yourself and others.
Love,
Nancie/Mom/Mimi/Grandma
Now we're back to another uncertain week. And as some states begin to open up, even more questions arise. We don't have clear answers about how and when to change any of our behaviors. We may see others engaging in ways that don't feel safe to us, and we may be invited to do the same. It can be another layer of stress, especially if we add in disagreements with others about their behavior, which can have an impact upon us but which we cannot control.
It's a time for thinking about what's reasonable versus what's realistic.
I suspect that most of us default to reasonableness, especially when looking at other people's behavior. Don't we generally want people to do the reasonable thing? How many times have we asked someone else to just be reasonable? It seems like human nature in our culture. And it seems like a very fair standard.
But the fact is that if we're expecting reasonable behavior as the norm, we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment or frustration. Because while we all hate to hear it, it turns out that we can't control other people. So instead of expecting what's reasonable and being upset when it's not forthcoming, we can change our perspective: we can look for what's realistic.
It may be entirely reasonable for me to expect that everyone will wear a mask and follow all the distancing guidelines. But it's not realistic. For my own safety and sanity, then, I need to let go of judging those who don't and focus on what I can do to protect myself and others.
The same holds true for our expectations of our families, our friends, and ourselves at this challenging time. It may be completely reasonable for us to expect family and friends to behave in familiar ways, or to show up for us emotionally as they have always done. We may reasonably expect that we can do any number of things as thoroughly, competently, or efficiently as in pre-COVID days. But those expectations just might not be realistic anymore. We are all under stress in completely new ways, and that can make a difference in our ability to perform at our usual level. Now is a time to give grace to our loved ones and ourselves as well as to others.
Could this concept be helpful for you? Are you holding onto any expectations of yourself or others that -- no matter how reasonable -- just aren't realistic? If so, how might it ease your stress to let go of them? Would a new perspective bring you greater peace? If so, perhaps that will be something you try on today.
Until tomorrow, take care, stay safe, and be well. And be gentle with yourself and others.
Love,
Nancie/Mom/Mimi/Grandma
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